I missed work for two days because I didn’t feel like it.
It’s terrible whenever I have my bouts of depression and it’s even worse when it affects my productivity. I’ve been working for this whole month of June for the purpose of paying my existing school loans and maybe buy something for myself for my birthday next week. But my depression makes me nervous to go to work that I ended up not earning as much as I would have hoped. While I don’t regret taking a mental health day, I still feel pretty bad that I am not going to earn as much as I would have wanted.
Nowadays, I’m trudging a very fine line between putting myself first and feeling good about it versus not trying hard enough to get out of my depression. I really want to say I’m getting better but reality is the fight against depression is more of an up and down slope rather than a straight line to progress. Everyday is a new battle and I am trying so hard not to let it discourage me to keep fighting. I am so close to finishing my studies (despite being delayed for three years) and I can’t let anything get in my way anymore. This is mainly why I started making a blog. I want to record my feelings in such a way that I can dissect them more and be more rational when it comes to my actions. Now, I know the next best thing to do is to stand up and keep fighting.
In a few minutes, I am about to call my next student. I’m nervous, yes, but I am proud that I was able to overcome it for today. They said to always focus on the present and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. If you’re reading this and you feel like giving up, DON’T. Keep fighting. We can do this.