Work insecurities and battling anxiety.
School’s out and I’m currently working part time at an online service company that teaches the English language to Japanese. My work is pretty flexible since I can open classes whenever I want (within the company’s rule and SOPs) and students can book any tutor they want whose also available during their free time.
These days, there are times when I don’t get booked (see Closed slots). Honestly, I don’t know if I am more happy or sad if that happens. Hearing the ring of my Skype send me to the edge and I keep hoping and praying no one books me, and then when no one books me I freak out because I will be earning less this month. It frustrates me that I want to become a better teacher and employee but at the same time I dread going to work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, especially when I feel that my students are happy with our lesson for the day. It’s just the constant battle inside my mind between trying to do better and not wanting to do anything DRAINS me to the core.
Again, as always, all I want is to overcome.