Why was I not invited?
I was scrolling on my instagram today and I saw that my friends had dinner.
I don’t know if this is coming from my anxious and bipolar self, but I hate it when I’m not invited to things ESPECIALLY if my close friends were there. Like, did you not think about me? Did you not want to be with me? It’s confusing, terrifying, and after all that you feel stupid for feeling that way.
I wasn’t the only one not invited. My boyfriend wasn’t, my other friends weren’t invited, but it still hurt. As always, I never wanted to invalidate any feelings I might have. Feelings, I’ve learned, are always legitimate. However, I must process the fact that maybe they have a life outside of their friendship with me and that should be okay. I should get over that, and I should accept that. I, too, also have a life away from them.
Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to love yourself and not compare your worth to everyone else. Who you are is not measured by other people, you are who you are because you are unique. I’m still trying so hard to believe that and I admit it’s very difficult, but I know that for me to live a peaceful life, I have to deal with this negativity and accept that I am every bit as special as those people who went out to that dinner.
Life throws curve balls at the worst possible time. I thought I was getting better with feeling left out and feeling that other people have to validate my existence in order to be happy. It’s crippling, but there are reasons behind everything that happens. I know life goes on for other people even if my world crumbles. I have to keep moving on and keep looking forward. Life throws curve balls at the worst possible time because life is not supposed to be easy. Every curve ball is worth it, doesn’t seem like it, but it always is in the long run.
So breathe in, breathe out. I’m happy my friends had fun 🙂 I wish I was there, but I (in time) am truly happy they were happy.